Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
