He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
