She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
