it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
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Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
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hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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