: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
