Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
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