I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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