Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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