i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
