There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
