So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
