A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
