Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I cut my penus on the lid.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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