I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
