my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
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I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
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Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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