I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
