I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
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Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
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The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize