Heybabeimwearingurpanties
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
