forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
