onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
