Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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