you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It's just like the Real World with babies
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
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So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
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Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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