Betty ford says i'm here all night
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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