one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
