You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My bed smells like the plague
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