Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
