chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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