i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
