I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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