hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
