I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
