I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
