i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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