So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
