I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
