I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
