Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
