How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
