If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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