Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
