You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
