Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We were destined to go to rehab together
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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