Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
