I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
