I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
