I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize