I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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