i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
