I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
