if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Shame is for Republicans.
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