All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
