Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
