I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
