Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
