I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
