So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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