Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
