Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
