Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
