Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
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how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
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I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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