xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
