How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
