His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
