party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
