i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize