So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
