Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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