Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
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Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
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There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize