Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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