do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
