The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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