saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
