If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
