You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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