Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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