The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
