In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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