I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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